uncontrollable situation

i felt so stress, so sad yet i do not know where its come from.. i don feel a bit happy.. but i don know why...

in st john, from the previous blog i had post, i had been strugling since the outsider doesnt appreciate what i did yet sabotage me.. however, i thought i still have my team.. yet, once again, i was wrong... even some of my own team mate does not belive me at all yet they believe the other...
my feeling has been so bad and bad... but i don know why, in front of my superior i still need to pretend that i enjoy it and willing to continue contribute myself into it... currently, my feeling is to strip off all my post and position to free myself..

i so wish to say that i wanna focus in my work, yet, my work makes me feel tension, worried and scared... i seems to have lost my way... wish to cry put loud, yet i cant..

im so lonely.......